Astroesque

I don’t know if I’ll write about every single typology placement of mine but I’ll at least write about the main one, enneagram. I spent so long typing as enneagram type four but as I’ve grown older I have felt that enneagram type two fully captures my personality, behavior, and inner thoughts the most.

Why I type as self preservation 2 and 2 core:

(I just want to preface that I go by Naranjo’s theory cuz its my favorite one and I find it the most detailed :))

To start, here is how enneagram two core is described:

“In general, Enneatype 2 believes that living with high emotional intensity and evoking emotions is what matters most in life. That’s why they manipulate relationships. They are, in fact, characters who are subtly authoritarian, as they want to feel superior to others by eliciting admiration and special respect that feed their pride.”

Ever since I can remember, I’ve craved to experience love and emotions to their fullest extent, I would rather experience emotions to their fullest capacity even anger or sadness than to experience numbness. Anhedonia and death have always been my two biggest fears. I have also always longed to make people experience strong emotions because of me. Ranging from a strong sense of trust or a very intense unconditional love. As for the authoritarian aspect, while it is an unhealthy trait I have noticed that I have a very strong sense of entitlement within me.

“The people of this character knew love, were seen, and loved. They came like a breath of fresh air to their homes, but they learned all too soon that this love came with a price. In their case, being used as objects, emotional support, or commodities between their parents, which gave rise to a feeling of humiliation and the development of pride as passion.”

“It’s paradoxical that, in reality, these eternal children didn’t have a childhood. It was the price they paid to continue receiving the admiring love of their parents and maintaining their place of power: a suffocating throne that allowed them to be seen but left little space to simply be children.”

Unlike many of the enneagram four descriptions, I couldn’t claim that I had a traumatic childhood where I felt that I was not cared for by a mother. On the contrary, I always felt like I was overly cared for, treated like the baby of the family who always received love and affection. But I was also seen as the emotional support of my mom. Like her little therapist ever since I can remember. I feel like because of this I mentally felt older than I was but my youth was also always pointed out by everyone around me, even to this day I feel like I am constantly babied. (very sp2 of me)

“And so is their life: A relentless attempt to regain that place of privilege that only children can have. A yearning to recover that loving gaze of approval and recognition that made them feel worthy of being loved. Ultimately, it’s  returning to paradise lost.”

“And in that effort, they have learned how to shine and the art of manipulation, and know how to alternate sweet words with more or less subtle poison, depending on the subtype. Their developed empathy is the compass that indicates what others need. And, like snake charmers, they will dazzle their current lover or the person they’re interested in, smearing them with flattery and favors, until the other ends up thinking it’s a privilege to have them in their lives. It is this devotion that E2s feed on.”

Because of the fact that I have always felt the most seen, loved, and cared for when I act as an emotional therapist for the people around me, I always use that as my tool to be cared for or my tool to charm people. I try to make people feel seen by me, I’ll notice things about them others wouldn’t, I act like I would never judge them (even tho I sometimes do internally) and this is what makes me feel like I am recognized. However, if I feel like I am not seen for my efforts to overly care for others I get very upset about it.

Now for more specific sp2 stuff,,,

“The E2 conservation seems entitled. They can act as if they are superior to others and expect preferential treatment, even being brazen in their expectation of being pampered and throwing a tantrum if they don’t get what they want. Their logic is: “I give and do a lot for others; that’s why I deserve special treatment.” As if, unconsciously, they tally up how much they have sacrificed for the other. They may come across as divas.” (low-key me sometimes but I try to not make it tooo obvious)

“The fear of the E2 conservation is to become helpless and unable to sustain themselves in their basic needs. So they anchor themselves in their most childish part, seeking dependence and authorization from someone to protect them.”

I feel like anyone who truly knows me notices that this is such a big trait of mine. ^^

“The three subtypes repress, above all, envy. The one who contacts it the most is the E2 conservation. To hide it, the Two becomes enviable and seems to offer generosity wrapped in optimism, without explicitly asking for anything in return. Thus, their pride is nourished by a sense of superiority (it would be better to call it invulnerability) that only allows them to express their weaknesses indirectly, through manipulation, whims, disguised contempt, or hostile anger. “

This is so me I literally cannot let people see any of my vulnerabilities I find it so unnecessary. Like I’m the type of person who lets people rant to me about their insecurities but if I’m asked to open up in return I cringe like hahahah don’t worry about me hahahaha,,,,

“She is a person who achieves from a young age the protagonism among her loved ones, making affective bonds and becoming indispensable by offering joy, affection and vitality. In this way, she does not have to take care of herself: she guarantees a permanent dependence on others, which ensures that her basic needs related to survival are covered.” (Literally meee)

“E2 conservation seems to be satisfying all his tastes, always trying to make sure he lacks nothing: someone to provide for him, someone to take care of him, someone to defend him, someone to answer for him, someone to solve his small and big problems. However, when we go deeper, we discover a very poor existence in terms of identity and capacity to decide for himself, which is reflected in the fear, conscious or unconscious, of living without resources.” (hahahaha me hahahaha)

“This type of Two presents herself as a charming child, a lovely girl, who offers unconditional love, without limits, with the intention of gaining the acceptance and position of privilege (passion of the subtype) that she craves. For this reason, she does not like to shine socially or show herself too sexually, both of which pose a risk to her childlike facade.” (it’s as if the subtype itself was written about me I swear)

“Unlike the other Twos, the conservation subtype character is suspicious of his abilities to perform admirable deeds that will elicit acceptance and validation from those around him. The desire for protagonism, so characteristic of the proud, is then satisfied more in the sphere of fantasy than in practical action. This type of E2 lives with an unattainable ideal of self. This is why he harbors the constant expectation that he will be discovered as a faker, and then humiliation and public exposure will be inevitable. Claudio Naranjo describes his infantile egocentrism as a desire to be in the limelight without having to be important through qualifications or achievements. Hence, it is difficult for him to feel gratified by flattery: Even if he expresses real virtue, a blind spot prevents him from clearly discerning the value of the merit, since he does not know whether he fabricated it by manipulation, or not.” (at this point I don’t have commentary cuz word for word, bar for bar, THIS IS MEEEE)

And last but not least the sp2 trait structure …

Dependent

Of the three subtypes, this is the most dependent, although he shows a self-sufficient and independent facade. He distances himself from his family with the idea that distance will diminish his dependence, but it does not, because he compulsively establishes dependent relationships to ensure his protection and survival. He is chameleonic and his great intuitive capacity allows him to captivate the other.

He seeks relationships with people of strong character to compensate for his insecurity, but in this he “loses” his freedom, becoming attached to the role of being loved for being cheerful.

He projects aggression because he does not contact courage, which would allow him to set limits, since he lives wanting to please everyone.

Shy

This is a very noticeable trait in this infantile character. Shyness is related to the fear of exposing oneself if there is no certainty of recognition.

The passion of privilege hides a search for confirmation and a deep lack of self-esteem. Since this character does not want to recognize that he has limits and also does not contact this low self-esteem, he hides if he is not sure of success. He prefers to hide behind “I don’t know,” “I don’t want to” or “I can’t,” in a childish way, rather than not admit that he does not feel he does not measure up. He also plays shyness and embarrassment as a childish charm of a seductive nature, with which he avoids confrontation.

Victim

Tends to project blame, as seduction tries to make him see only what others want to see. The crazy idea behind it is that “to be accepted, you have to hide the bad”. He blames the world for his difficulties and problems, otherwise he would have to take responsibility for his actions and change. It is easy for him to act as a victim when he does not feel understood or appreciated, although most of the time he prefers to close the chapter and leave the relationship.

Idealizer

When you are a child and depend on adults in every way, you idealize them by seeing them as great, decisive, capable, protective, independent and determined. If those adults around him do not give him time to digest what is happening to him and make his own decisions, the E2 conservation learns to leave them in the hands of the elders.The conflict is that he reaches maturity with an idealized image of what it is to be an adult, assuming that when he comes of age, gets married, has children or starts working, the characteristics of an adult will automatically and magically emerge in him.

Compares

This type of E2 has an inordinately high criterion of competence, that is, a perfectionist and obsessive ideal self, which is what makes him so driven. This comes from a feeling of inferiority for not feeling loved and, on the contrary, abandonable. The difference with E4 is that he uses pride to get love and not be abandoned. The conflict is that he lives comparing himself, disadvantageously and advantageously, with everyone. This fosters a disdainful attitude (raised nose), like someone of royalty looking down on others. 

To be necessary 

The underlying theme of the E2 conservationist is that he does not feel valuable enough or worthy of being liked. He then does things for others, seeking to be needed, because he assumes that this way he will not be abandoned, and the other will return protection. He does not realize that he ends up getting overwhelmed and angry when he is asked for something. And, as he does not know how to set limits, he does it with attitudes of rejection and annoyance, looking more like a tantrum child. 

Whimsical 

Many conservation Twos read avidly as children, seeking to feed their emotions. Claudio defines them in his workshops as constrained adventurers, that is, they long to feel free and to travel and to be able to do and undo and, failing that, they read. Above all, novels that allow them to break with taboos and shoulds that they assume “bind” them. They feel that their reality is too narrow, and in fantasy they achieve things they would not otherwise achieve. 

Condescending 

As the Two-preservationist believes that he is only loved when he is nice and good, he tends to be condescending (he says yes to everything), without stopping to think about whether he wants it or not. This leads him to accept commitments that later weigh him down and he reluctantly fulfills or abandons without warning. 

In condescension there is a disdainful tinge towards others, a look that considers them inferior beings in need of support and affection. Sometimes, it is mixed with humor producing mockery, sarcasm or cynicism. 

Hypersensitive to criticism 

The difficulty to make self-criticism and to receive criticism from those around him, triggers the core of devaluation that he keeps inside. It manifests itself with irritability, crying and feelings of incomprehension and anger, since it awakens the fear of not being accepted and, therefore, loved. 

It is difficult for an E2 conservationist to accept his mistakes. Even if he knows he is incompetent or expresses it: that is far from being able to tolerate having his faults and shortcomings pointed out to him. This is seen in his outbursts and anger, which can end in emotional explosions full of claims to the one who criticizes him. 

Envious / fear of envy 

The E2 conservationist does not seem to experience envy at first glance, as he compensates for his downward comparisons by showing an attitude of abundance and superiority. Envy, human and inevitable, he hides it as a way to cover up shortcomings and avoid competitive disadvantage. He can live it secretly, letting out some lapses of indifference and apathy for the people he envies. 

The person of this character not only hides envy from himself and others. He is also afraid of being envied, because he is unprotected. To feel the envy of others is to reveal that one is powerful, that one has something that others want. And she fears the aggression of others. Being envied, she could be the object of rejection, criticism and disaffection, so she will flatter and dissimulate to cover up her privileges or most desired qualities, she will even show herself to be anti-pride, in order to be safe and sound. 

Tender 

The meaning of ‘tender’ is someone who is affectionate, loving and kind. It usually refers to childhood, to explain a delicate and docile way of being because of little age and experience. The E2 conservation is a person who especially highlights these traits, who invites that soft and gentle experience. This characteristic, in which she conducts herself with utmost naturalness, is a way of attracting protection, of being cared for, which guarantees her to remain intact and away from the complications of the rough and tumble of life and relationships. 

Possessive 

The possessiveness of the E2 conservation arises from the longing to merge with the other, in search of the security that he/she is always available, to assure him/her not to live the experience of abandonment, or the protection and satisfaction of his/her basic needs.

Possessiveness also has to do with the difficulty of seeing people as “other”, different and independent. That would be for this character a threatening mirror of his fear of affective independence. In the end, the other is an object over which to exercise power. 

Jealous 

Jealousy, typical of emotional characters, is in E2 conservation connected with the neurotic need to be the only one in the place of privilege, in the heart and in the life of the other. They also have their roots in the triangulation experienced as a child, when the father or the mother involved him in their jealous competition against each other. 

Arrogant and egocentric 

The proud arrogance of this character manifests itself above all in believing that what he wants or thinks must always be taken into account and confirmed. It is not that he believes he is intellectually right, it is rather the arrogance of one who claims the first place, a capricious haughtiness. 

Sadistic

The sadism of E2 conservation seems contradictory to his tenderness and condescension. It is expressed in an evident way when he feels not consented to or betrayed (in the sense of not being satisfied in what he wants). If the other is not at his service or attentive to him, he will easily be the object of raw rage and mistreatment reinforced by the intuitive capacity of this character to “catch” the weak side of the other. He is also sadistic in its way of coldly wounding, and leaving the other with no possibility of rescue. 

Paranoid and controlling 

Paranoia explodes in an obsessive and emotionally blind way when the Two conservation projects on the other the manipulative dynamics that he himself practices when he wants to please or conquer the powerful place of privilege. When he feels that someone does not support him unconditionally, or he has to face someone he considers superior for some characteristic, he immediately considers him a rival, an enemy that can take his place. There he deploys his aggressive and controlling weapons with the crazy idea of having the right to attack whoever threatens him, even fantasizing plots.

Castrating and vindictive 

If someone disappoints him or beats him in competition, he is very adept at humiliating and attacking him until he is left a harmless rival. This manifests itself especially in couple or sibling relationships, as if he feels entitled to make the other pay the price for being submissive to his orders or whims. But also if they feel offended, criticized or abandoned. Taking power away from the other is a way of taking revenge, and thus reestablishing his preeminence. 

Self-indulgent

As a character who relies on the idealization of self, he forgives everything. This forgiveness shows his intolerance to limits and reiterates his childish attitude, whereby everything must be allowed. He thus compensates for frustration or contact with low self-esteem, hidden by the permissiveness granted to a child. It is a trait in short circuit with the fear of being an adult. 

Inconstant 

The Two-preservation is intolerant to discipline; any work that entails efforts or renunciations he lives it as something impossible to sustain. Obviously, he justifies himself with lies or devaluing the objective. He also solves the obstacle by delegating the task. This dynamic is basic to remain dependent on the other and to nurture his pride, unaware of how this intolerance prevents him from creating internal security as an adult.

IN CONCLUSSIONNNNN,,,,,!!!!!!