Astroesque

I recently started getting into journaling. I don’t do it daily or anything but whenever I have something I really wanna write down or document, especially when it’s something special or personal, I write it down on a physical journal. This blog is a little less personal but one thing I do wanna document on here, especially with the lovely feature of being able to add photos into this blog, is a digital sort of representation of what my current hopes and dreams are. I turned 20 only a few months ago, I am starting my third year of university in the fall, I am at the beginning of my life. Because of this, I have so many hopes and dreams for what I want my life to look like and it is highly likely that my vision will change as time passes, but nonetheless, I want to document it.

At least once in my life I want to live on my own, nothing but me in a cozy apartment I can call home. I know this really isn’t something out of the ordinary, but for someone like me, it’s truly something special. I’ve always been very dependent on others in many ways. At one point, I just assumed that I’d live with my parents and then eventually as an adult I’d just move in with a bf or husband and that would be my life. But I don’t actually want that. I want to be my own person. I want to have my own space, my own place that is truly my own responsibility, not something someone else built for me, but instead something that is truly mine. The pictures above are kinda how I imagine it to look like. Some place really cozy, decorated by me, I’d probably have candles everywhere, I would want my place to smell like a proper bakery hehe. Speaking of bakeries, I wanna learn how to bake! I wanna be a good host to my loved ones, bake them something when they come over. These are the things I dream about. They seem so minimal to others but when you’re someone who has felt like anything good and free could never be tangible, it truly means the whole world.

I’ve only just started doing research recently but a place that feels very me is Portland, Oregon. When I was younger, I used to think my city ought to be NYC, but now that I’m older I know I need a place a little more quiet than that. I think Portland has the perfect combination of things I love. One of the more silly reasons I feel drawn to it is because it starts with the letter P. The reason this is a plus is because I’ve noticed that I am often drawn to things that start with that letter, not to mention that even my own name starts with the letter P, lol. My name is Paulina, my favorite color is pink, and I’m a psychology major. I really love philosophy, princesses, and the movie Priscilla (2023). My favorite greek goddess is Persephone, goddess of spring and queen of the underworld, I have always felt emotionally connected to her. Not to mention I was born in spring (primavera in spanish, my first language hehehe). One of my favorite words is paradise. For many reasons which include the fact that I was born in a hospital with that name, one of my fave Lana albums is called Paradise, and an even more silly one is the fact that in aot, the island where the main characters live is called Paradis hehe. Overall, Portland starting with the letter P is a really lovely coincidence for me since I tend to love things with that letter. But really the actual logistical reasons I feel drawn to Portland are the weather, how walkable it looks, the lovely public transportation, the bookstores and independent coffee shops, and just the overall ambience. It just seems like my type of place. <33

My more miscellaneous dreams include the baking thing I mentioned earlier. I want a soothing work environment when I finally start working with patients and my future colleagues. I think I’d really like to work at a school. I wanna write more. I recently started writing fiction related things and it’s honestly much more challenging than any research paper or argumentative piece I’ve done. But it’s also incredibly fun! Especially all the planning and daydreaming involved in it. The coolest part is that I can create anything I want in fiction stories and the fact that it brings all my daydreams to life. Something I’ve always thought was kinda cool, badass, and silly all at once is those fanfic writers who are proper married and have a complex busy life but still find time to write about their fave things and fandoms. I wonder if I’ll be like that when I’m older. I hope I can be. My goal is to make sure all my silly little hobbies stay with me well into adulthood. I enjoy a lot of things and I don’t think growing up means I should ever let them go. Recently a friend of mine told me she can imagine that if I do end up working at a school that I’d be that counselor all the kids think has a really cool and whimsical style and way of being. I hope that’s true. I hope that even if the dreams I have now change, that I never let go of hope, joy, passion, and whimsy. ;DD

Thank you for reading if you made it this far! ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ pictured above is literally me in fictional character form… Hachi is the realest depiction of what being a 20 year old feels like lolll….୨♡୧